Circle

so many happenings i had gone through these days... both bad and good. the good one is that i had spend a good, memorable time with my friends, girl friend, God, family... and tried to be passionate to my religion and stuffs like that... but ..things will not go right..be there for you or i being there for them all the time... recently i have lost my hand phone's ear phone, missed some prayer session, lost contact with my old friends, almost had accident... but these are just a small metter.. what is really intimidating me is my father's health. it is getting worst day by day.. having kidney failure is not good thing.. it's a silent killer. the last thing you remember is that you're already in dialysis treatment.. it's really a hard time for my father and just to look at him in that condition everytime.. hy heart aches.. his stomach is as big as a mother with twin's and it's stretched like a baloon which is about to be burst.. his belly button is poping out which is indicating his over water intake. he can't sleep propperly as the water in his stomach.. will reach up to his lungs and choke him. every night.. he will be suffering.. my mother will be taking care of him when i'm in college.. but recently.. again.. she became weaker and catching cold as frequently as ever..and my father collapsed just yesterday..she told me to brace myself for anything that might happen in the next hour.. or maybe second.. . i'm worried.. i'm worried about my future.. SAM is getting busier than ever, so do my further studies will.. and i'm worried about my girlfriend..there is something going on.. i know.. they don't have to tell me, i am not dumb nor senseless. if i'm the cause of the sleepless nights.. than i am truly sorry, i couldn't think about it.. or mybe i was too worried about the stuff going around so fast that i wanted to drift away from it, but i still love you everyday like the 1st day i did. and i felt confortable whenever i was in your arms only.. i din't realise it untill today..i was stupid.. there is billion of taughts going through my head. why so serious? this is why.. in the end.. no one is going to help my butt up... maybe god will..who knows and who cares? millions of people are going through or more what i am going now..like nick vijici, a man without limbs who became a christian missioary, Alex's lemonade...a child with cancer who fought till the end of her's and raised funds for the cancer patient..and more.. they are inspiring and sets a goal and motivations in my mind... i have to be stronger..

this is my only support now.. and joa