!smaxe ffo kcuf

sam's almost over! i have no idea wether i should be happy or sad about it but right now i'm stressing. owh gosh i hate my self taking exams for granted for not really working out and going out. well i still have 2 more papers to go which is approximately 6 hours left and about 30 questions more to go. i gotta stress myself for the remaining exams and i am going to blow out once the exam's over. just wait for me all the 'funs' out there. fight!

hey yo~

fuiii... i'm exceptionally exhasted today. initially i suspected that i was having a fever.. and it was. well i did nothing much on the previous night except writing serene's birthday song(HAPPY BIRTHDAY!), a lil' revision on chem and spec maths for the assessments and played with bitch untill i got bitten again.. anyway my fever exacerbated so fast just before assessment. somehow, i sweat alot during assessment for spec math's DI(directive investigations) & sweat alot for chemistry practical write out and miraculously, my fever was cured instantaneously. anyway had celebrated seren's birthday tody..
serene got seriously bluffed by joa and leow's fake maths DI with Ms tiew's awful hidden talents for actiontion like.. neil..

owh look.. somebody is stoning..yay!having a devil next to me is not that bad after all..

omg i can't believe i still had that photo. i am very sure that i'm gona miss this moment.. i'll buy a camere ASAP and gona chemwhore like a real whore!

bitch~~!!!

okei so there's nothing much to blog about these days except for going through lots of lots of exacerbation caused by SAM. this program is so gona leave a scar on my thaughts and never be forgotten. i am not sure wether i am the only one who is feeling so exaggerated over by the the tight schedules of internal assessments in a week.. hmmm what can i say, just do the damn thing done than just worry about what's gona happen later. anyway life's kinda changing it's course from happening to halloween. it's not to say that it's boring. i start to enjoy whatever's entertaining around me but somehow it's darkening.. like a sunsets to my college life and whatever.. therefore.. here by i poste my bitch to represent my halloween mood.. she might be cute from this angle.. but she is a killer deep down inside her..

woff!

i'm not sure how can i describe my state now, felt like i went one step forward and made two steps backwards.. i felt like i came too far with a broken compas in my hand and made a aimless move. sleepless nights continue and tired days overwhelming. stressed up here and there with careless mistakes from my own academical performance. nothing really motivates me these days.. i need a break and peace in my mind..i'm going back to ipoh next week and hope i can gain back my confidence..

charity fair/affair?

prepare almost everything to bake cream puff the night before and went to joa's house to bake it but for got to buy MILK and delayed alot... must blame KP for his handphone sms addiction which made him to lose his way to my house and made us wait... never mind.. the baking was fun (the first few times) but after some times.. it went busy and serious because of the pressure came from somebody... but it went faster than i taught... made around 200++(few puff wth holes) and lots of lots of cream. was extremely exhausted. waking up in a slightly swelled up cheeks and eyes was never a good sign to for me to spend my day.

test??

i woke up in the middle of the night ater having a same dream for the past few days. dreaming about her almost everyday. why is it so hard to forget? i miss the old days but yet i have to forget because that's what she wants and wish for. i wish her to stay happy and that's all. ....studies are getting tougher n tougher.. physics and specialist math is giving no mercy to us. insanely hard, but starting to enjoy this studies(although stressfull). exam's just around the corner and i hope to achieve a better grades for this exam.

not going to be the same

days are different for me now, mixing up with a random people introduced by my long lost friend in a club is a whole new experience. it doesn't matter how and what am i going through , genda, where i stand ,who you are and where you come from, as long as you have money and something to share, they will come for you, dance with you, drink with you, have fun with you... i took it as an association. people there are friendly, but somehow.. it's a sad world.. just met this girl who tried to commit suicide by cutting her own wrist, but missed and went deeper down to her arm leaving a huge scar.. not once but manytimes. knowing her gave me a great shock. i felt sorry for her. because deep down inside me, i've thought of comitting suicide before too, but i've stopped because only cowards do those things.. but i can understand.. doing all of this is just making myself a hypocrite. not praying for sometime already, i know i should not do all thins things, it's just making me further away from God and what i'm suppose to do. i just needed a place to rest my head and now i've step inside to a world that might suit my kind... this might be the turning point of my life.

from now onwards...

i'll appologise for what i have mentioned in the previous post... i was drunk when i posted it. but i'm not going to remove or edit it.. because without it.. i could not have realise how selfish i was... and ego ..i know that i've let you down.. i know that you have shed a tears for me, but i could not adapt the situation that i am going through and was running away from reality... i finally realise that how important was you to me... frankly now i appreciate it... please don't say that you feel regret that you brought me to PD.. there was a beautiful times and ugly one for this past 7 months.. went through many things.. it wasn't a waste of time...i will like to keep and cherish the good days.. and the bad memories as my steps to be a better person. if you still feeling intimidated over me... please say so... i will not interrupt you.. but if you can forgive me as a friend... i will not ignor you and try to make a better place.. it had been a fruitfull 7months for me. thank you.

hollucination

undiscribable painness going through all parts of my body now.. starting from heart.. mind, body and soul... it had been broken into pieces and now.. powdered.. it's hard to reassemble.. i don't understand... this is too much.. each and every words spoken from your mouth suppose to be a harmony to me,... but now...all i can hear is noise and craps.. i can't take it anymore.. i can't live in a world filled with full of drama and emotions, this is just too much for me... i'm from different world? oh yeah sure, same old techtics to dump a silly ass guy... i'm fucking sick of it.. i thought it will be a sweet memory.. but now , frankly i'm regret for what i've done.. i should not have taken SAM..nor i should not have done anything or exist... if you want to laugh at me go ahead, if you wana get rid of me, do it now, if you are scard of me, what can i do? tell me? what can i do? i am who i am, brought up in this world is not my fault, so don't mantion about it anymore... none of this is your fault, it is that.. i was so fucking cheap that you have mantioned.. that caused me do this things. sounds lika a paranoid.. and it is... alcohol can't cure this, but it's indulging me so badly... now.. i don't have any distractions... and in the same time.. lost my motivations and goals... fuck.. what was i doing?... if only i have know what is coming next, this will not have happened.. i'll just go my own way and i guess that will only make you feel happier and secured... i shall not think nor talk about it anymore.. it is only creating deeper cuts... just forget about it.. pretend that nothing had happened... just leave me alone...

Circle

so many happenings i had gone through these days... both bad and good. the good one is that i had spend a good, memorable time with my friends, girl friend, God, family... and tried to be passionate to my religion and stuffs like that... but ..things will not go right..be there for you or i being there for them all the time... recently i have lost my hand phone's ear phone, missed some prayer session, lost contact with my old friends, almost had accident... but these are just a small metter.. what is really intimidating me is my father's health. it is getting worst day by day.. having kidney failure is not good thing.. it's a silent killer. the last thing you remember is that you're already in dialysis treatment.. it's really a hard time for my father and just to look at him in that condition everytime.. hy heart aches.. his stomach is as big as a mother with twin's and it's stretched like a baloon which is about to be burst.. his belly button is poping out which is indicating his over water intake. he can't sleep propperly as the water in his stomach.. will reach up to his lungs and choke him. every night.. he will be suffering.. my mother will be taking care of him when i'm in college.. but recently.. again.. she became weaker and catching cold as frequently as ever..and my father collapsed just yesterday..she told me to brace myself for anything that might happen in the next hour.. or maybe second.. . i'm worried.. i'm worried about my future.. SAM is getting busier than ever, so do my further studies will.. and i'm worried about my girlfriend..there is something going on.. i know.. they don't have to tell me, i am not dumb nor senseless. if i'm the cause of the sleepless nights.. than i am truly sorry, i couldn't think about it.. or mybe i was too worried about the stuff going around so fast that i wanted to drift away from it, but i still love you everyday like the 1st day i did. and i felt confortable whenever i was in your arms only.. i din't realise it untill today..i was stupid.. there is billion of taughts going through my head. why so serious? this is why.. in the end.. no one is going to help my butt up... maybe god will..who knows and who cares? millions of people are going through or more what i am going now..like nick vijici, a man without limbs who became a christian missioary, Alex's lemonade...a child with cancer who fought till the end of her's and raised funds for the cancer patient..and more.. they are inspiring and sets a goal and motivations in my mind... i have to be stronger..

this is my only support now.. and joa

The pros and cons of Marathon...

From out of curiousity, we (me&joa) did a unforgetable, extremely shivering(from the breeze), insane and most of all enjoyable(supposingly) movie marathon... after college.. watched 'Hell Boy 2' followed by 'Wanted'...with some shopping in between. now doesn't it sounds good to you? in fact, we got too excited and excitement made us dumb and numb from tiredness after class...i'm still wondering why malaysia's movie theater have to cool their box office till we can't even concentrate at the movie..we were freezing and lagi bagus, somebody eben challenged without jacket and with mini skirt...anyway at the end... we got seriously exhausted.. but the good thing is that i had a bloody good time. over all it was okei... but just to let you know ..marathon is tough... but if there is any food marathon.. i'm on it.

I'm on it... owh that's the triple chicken smt smt burger in carl's Jr.. it's kinda small from this angle but seriously..it's BIG! it took two of us to finish it in about 40 min..

when I couldn't think straight...she was there

I felt very sick today.. managed to reach college but couldn't think straight through out the day... but never felt worst because someone eased me... honestly.. no jokes.. i'm glad i'm with you

Thank You, i will get well soon. love you Joanna...

celebrity????

once my father told me... 'son when you made it into your college... you will have a life that i could never had.. enjoy and work hard..' ...well i think i finally got what he meant.. let me give you a short glance of...what suppose to be college life...

(Wanted)

yes.. it's enjoyable.. it's reflecting the way of college life should be.. once tried to commit suicide out from academic stress and the next secound... celebrity?... is this the life my dad couldn't achieve in his time? it remains secret..( that's Paris Hilton by the way..)

That was the time...

May...cemwhoring season...

.....there is countless number of picts like this in my phone... there is more to show but.. i guess that will take me ages to upload it...

don't even think about it... doesn't mean that everything you see.. it's real... ok fine it's real..

suppose to be respectful Teacher's day...suppose to be...

June... Pdeih!

Port Dickson!!!!! yesh! from left.. Dupi, Febian,Hippo,Swee,Ken,Yoe,Iris,MR and honorable cemwhorer and the only Joanna Chow:)

Ok i was high... and i was pretty sure Ken was high too.. pretty sure...

we did BBQ.. everyone ate about 50% of what we brought and the other 50% were either burnt or left to rot away after we cooked.. but bloody enjoyed .. although we were covered with soots/smokes

ok now it's ur first time in ur life... you'll c a mermaid with A ball... yes just one.. well personally.. i liked being berried.. was confortable untill they poured too much sand on me and started to constrict my chest to lose my breath... plus.. Ken did something wrong.. it is never a good idea sitting on a mermaid.. expecially lower part:p

we did 'Banana Boat'...no one enjoy being thrown out from anything but this... paid totally 80 bucks just to get wet and thrown out from the boat... it was a puking event ...

and yes was is finally time to say Good bye.. darn febian.. why couldn't you stop for the sun set???

now i can finally start my blog... ahhhhh

Time is INsane

ok let me tell u why time's insane... since i've left blogging on january, with
an blink of an eye...it's June? wtf? what kind of sick joke is this.. who am i
to blame all this? definately because of College life... ok let me trace back from..February... January it's a little tough...

February..

ok this time i din't join the band but was entitled as THE band manager(check out the bunny.. it's not even cute)

This is me and my band vocalist... ok I was about to have my exams the following week and this was my anxious face.. any problem?

ok back to Taylor's college... yes to attract ur attention... i needed someone to poke you n guess what.. i found a poking photo

It was before chinese new year... don't misunderstand here.. i'm not treatening this guy for a money

we had this birthday celebration almost every month but this is the one reminds me alot... Joanna's birthday party in Lisa's spaghetti.. kinda rushed

aha! so this was the password...

and here comes the sexy back and sexy front... geee i miss that sexyness he had.. he is not in taylor's anymore...

ok after somewhile... we went to MC to test this new prosperity which did not even brought any prosperity in it's quality... in short.. it sucked

March..

so this time there was many outing opportunity... and this incident... changed me into a senseless camwhorer..

we did bowling...

ice skating..

this was not part of our plan but... we did kicking after ice skating

ate ..sushi?

April....

SAM fiesta... people shuffled, hooked hooken, drunk by water.. basically was high

my birthday helded in Sunway Lagoon... it was pretty awsom

went to old folk's home to do some painting job

class picture... looking so innocent..but...

nothing beats the bond between artificial dinosours with Mr woon.. it's simply woondafull

another outing... often in sunway pyramid.. Kim looks like a Big daddy here

dyed my hair after that...oh by the way that's Joanna:p

went to MC again.. this time with lots of lots of free coupons for a free burger... baught a large coke and refilled likee hell.. was almost free

Leow's birthday... The cake was simply the best

Mr woon & Trisha's Birthday..